It's amazing how your life can change just like that. That is what is so @#&%!!$*^ and sometimes =) about life. See I am completely lost for words I need to use symbols.
Sometimes you have a plan and you grow the seed of this idea in your head and it grows and grows into a big oak tree and suddenly lightning strikes on the tree and it burns and it dies. So what do you do? Do you uproot the tree and plant a new seed or do you sit around and moan at the once blooming and flourishing tree?
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9
How apt that I came across this verse just the day before the bomb was dropped and my tree became half alive. So what can I say but that it is God's will? It's amazing that I can still think of this verse when I feel so cheated and led on and fragile.
Life goes on. Whatever has been has been. If you can't change the past, don't dwell in it, look ahead and learn from past mistakes. The past few months after leaving JC has really brought much heartship and cross roads to my life. I am at this stage where I have to make some of the toughest decisions I have ever made. And sometimes I get real depressed when I look at myself that way, in a practical and bulleted way (I mean it like when you give a presentation so you just zoom in on the key points) so I kinda like dissect myself and I judge myself.
So I think too much for my own good. All the travelling, 4 hours a day, has given me too much excess time to reflect. I am a very emotional person. That is a fact I can't control my laughter or my tears. I am real in that sense and I am also very pure like that. I cry easily and I laugh even more easily. Tears are like free flow and sometimes when I am walking home I feel the dampness on my cheeks. Some people can cry in a beautiful way, those people are TV and movie stars. I on the other hand can only be good enough for theatre cause I cry ugliy. LOL. My nose will turn like tomato red and the rim of my eyes will be blood red and my eyes will get blood shot and tears will well up and out of my eyes and my cheeks will turn pink.
HAHA. Too much information. Sometimes I try to keep my blog entries very commercialised and unpersonal so I can stop prying eyes from looking at the real me but not today. Today I am too tired and f-ed up to care about putting on a facade and telling my story in a song or something. Today I am real. Really.
