Steve Jobs said he only joined the dots looking back. And that is what I am going to do, I'm going to focus on the duties closest to me and I will fulfill my destiny. I feel like I am waiting for my destiny to come to pass. It is this Wait that is agonising.
Two months of travelling to Tanah Merah and SPS HQ is finally and officially over. I have witness the lifestyle and work life I may get if I decide to sign on. One thing that I will surely miss is the gym. With 1.5hours of lunch break people can really do wonders. It was amazing working with young people for a change and many fresh graduates too. Most importantly majority of them are from overseas university so I get to compare and contrast. Four full months of administrative work and internship has taught me one important lesson: Bottom line to working in an office is Waiting. You are constantly Waiting for lunch in the morning and after lunch you are consciously Waiting for end time. It is that simple. If you have work to do and fires to put out then time flies and your Waiting time shortens but if you don't then the Wait seems like an eternalty. But this is all part and parcel to life! And what matters is WHO is Waiting with you! Yes! Your colleagues and co-workers matter. Your boss matters. Your company or organisation matters. The final end product matters. Because all these will serve as motivation and distraction to shorten your Wait.
Wow. I feel like I have aged. HAHA. This is one lesson that can only be experienced and not taught. It is also one key point that I am taking away with me.
One problem which I have is I tend to be fickle minded and indecisive. This is when I am unconvinced of the decisions I am making. Which is bad. It shows that I don't really want it that badly. We talk about listening and following our hearts, but I can't hear what my heart says in the first place! There are comflicting thoughts and emotions and my heart is in a tangled mess so I can't hear its needs and wants. Therefore my next path is uncertain. But my faith is strong. And so I will believe and trust in my Mum. I trusted her once, and it was the best decision she made for me so now I will trust her again. Maybe why I can't do it is because I am constantly distracted. I get pushed off track easily. I don't know what I want. Therefore I will spend the time I have before school starts to find myself and to realise my vision and dream. Not to fulfill it just to realise it.
I thought of taking a gap year. But there is so much uncertainty and even more question marks mainly bacause no one does it in Singapore. But I don't see anything wrong in taking a gap year. If I take a gap year I will be able to apply for university again. HAHA. It will be another agonising thing to go through but the good news is I don't have A levels which means I can give SAT full time. But it is One Whole Year. I don't think I can spare the time. So I will just go with the flow. Whatever comes my way!~
